How often do we show who we really are to the world?
Why is this?
Often I hide behind the person I have created for the world to see. Only a few know who I really am. It’s not that I am trying to deceive or trick people. I am not trying to be something I’m not to gain friends or increase my social status. I am not trying to con the world around me for personal gain. I hide because I am afraid. I am afraid that I will not be accepted for who I am. That I am not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not thin enough. Not rich enough. Not clever enough. The list goes on and on.
I am not one to look at myself in the mirror and think “Yeah, I look good today.” I don’t see what is good about me. I don’t see the good in my personality. I don’t find me funny or interesting. Very few of my friends know about my blog because I am too embarrassed to let them read my musings. What if they laugh? What if they think I am talking total crap? When I look in the mirror I see first the things that I don’t like. The faults. The imperfections. I avoid social situations through fear of not being good enough. I don’t talk often about the things I find interesting in case the people around me think I’m boring or strange.
I have, in recent years, tried only to surround myself with those I love and trust. Those who know me. My Law of Attraction learning journey has taught me to love the imperfections of me. Still I struggle. This is what holds me back in my manifesting. The FEAR!
Oh to let go and have total faith in the Universe and it’s plan for me.
Oh to love myself as I love others. To feel confident to show everyone who I am. To feel confident that what I say matters. It has an impact.
At work I am considered confident, assertive, knowledgeable. Others come to me for advice and guidance. I am considered good at my job. Colleagues, managers, clients, they all have nothing but positive feedback for me. Why then, can’t I see what they see? Why do I feel inadequate. What demon festers in my sub-conscious mind that will not allow me to love myself?
I am told I am pretty. I am told I have a nice figure. I get compliments. To me they sound like lies and I question their intention. I wonder what sick joke is being played that someone would say something like that to me. Are they waiting for me to fall for their flattery so they can laugh at my stupidity for believing I might be worthy of such compliments.
Fucked up? Yes! Most definitely. How twisted does a mind need to be to have so little faith in one’s self.
This is my block. This is what holds back my dreams. I send out my desires to the Universe. I have faith they will come. I believe with all my heart I can have anything I want. Be anything I want. I do, however, know that until I release my negative thoughts and learn to love myself and accept that ‘body’ is just our physical presence in this Universe and ‘spirit’ is all consuming, all encompassing, I will not move forward on my journey. This is my current lesson.
Lessons do not end until we learn what they have been sent to teach us. This has been the hardest part of my journey so far. It is easy to manifest the small things. The parking spaces, the empty checkout at the supermarket, but to really create the life we desire, become who we were born to be we must first love ourselves. I have said it before and I will continue to say it. How can we give unconditional love to all who we meet if, at first, we cannot love ourselves?
Feel free to comment on any of my posts. I welcome your feedback and hope that my words help you on your journey to becoming all you can be.
Phoenixrising207 is a great blog. Inspiring, honest and heartfelt. Go have a read and see if she can inspire you.
Love and happiness