Everything I seemed to have read recently has been about the proceeding struggle before something great happens to us. It is not that I have actively sort out these types of posts or images, they have just arrived at my feet like little soldiers, offering support when I felt like I was losing the battle. All neatly filed in line, one after the other. A constant reminder that the struggle is leading to something great. The lessons I am learning now are preparing me for what is to come. Each little soldier bringing with him his own first aid kit in the shape of a blog post or instagram feed. Gently pushing me forward, even though my heels are firmly planted in the dirt and my fingernails are clinging on for dear life to the tattered remains of what I am leaving behind. Too scared to tip toe forward, as I urged others to do in my post (One small step) not so long ago that I can have the luxury of claiming to have forgotten it.
The trouble with difficulty is that when we are faced with it and when we are going through tough periods in our lives we are often blinded by the circumstances with which we are faced and therefore cannot see where we are going. Sometimes the struggle is too hard and we cannot see a way out. We lose faith in the almighty that this is not forever. This is just preparing us for something better. These are the times when we need to stop and use our senses to envelope the struggle. Hold our faith. Accept that this will pass and from it we will learn a valuable lesson.
I have been finding life hard of late, both at work and personally. Up until today I was coping. I was taking it all in my stride. I was allowing the Universe to do it’s thing and trusting that whatever was going on was not going to last and that I was going to learn something profound from this whole experience. What that would be was not my concern, I just had to accept it and wait for it to pass. Like I said, that was up until today, when for no particular reason, it all became way too much! Oh God, my poor friend at work! I spoke to her on the phone about something very small when the floodgates opened and within minutes my nicely made up face became a picasso of snot and mascara! Not a good look for any woman. This is when all my senses and super powers (see my previous post on our six super powers) kicked in all at once and I was totally overwhelmed with emotion. The trouble was that I was using all these senses and superpowers in a negative way. Let me explain:
Sight – everything I looked at seemed an impossible task. The pile of papers on my desk appeared a mountain of unfinished work. My inbox glared at me like a challenging gladiator, daring me to open up another email demanding more work.
Sound – all the noise around me seemed magnified. The laughter I could hear felt like garish, horror movie clowns surrounding me and mocking my failure
Touch – everything I touched seemed to go wrong. The PC kept crashing, my favourite pen ran out. I caught my finger in the filing cabinet.
Taste – my tea suddenly tasted like the milk had gone off!
Smell – I even convinced myself that because I’d become such an emotional, blubbering wreck that somehow I developed a personal hygiene problem and now smelt like a sweaty camel! (don’t ask, coz I don’t know where that came from!)
Imagination – Oh boy! What fun games we like to play with ourselves when we are having a moment. Like all things imagination, we can get a bit carried away with it, especially when we are imagining the worst. I had convinced myself that due to my total inability to function like a normal employee and cope with the pressure I was the worst employee ever in all of crap employeeville!
Intuition – my intuition was telling me that something far worse that the snot and mascara monster was still to come and the gut feeling I was having was nothing to do with my own overactive imagination and totally out of control mind but because I was picking up on more bad stuff to come.
Memory – well that went out the window with Reason followed closely behind by Will!
Perception – the only superpower left and I think it’s clear what I done with that because it was my, quite clearly, hormonal, twisted, perception that started the whole snot and mascara episode off in the first place!
By the time my friend got to me I was makeup free (all but a few sogging eyelashes being glued together by remnants of mascara), sweaty (but not camel smelly) and exhausted.
I had followed none of my own advice. I had taken no heed from all the books I have read about self care. I did not step back from the situation, take deeps breaths, go and get some fresh air to clear my mind. I did not look at my surroundings and take in the positive. I did not harness my senses and super powers to lift my above the struggle and allow myself to view it from a higher plane of clarity. No. I just imploded into a hysterical, middle aged, very likely menopausal, hormonal mess.
Lucky for me all my harping on about positivity and the Law of Attraction has obviously rubbed ofi on my friend at work. She dragged me away from my office and tramped my round one of our other sheltered housing schemes to visit some tenants. At the time I thought she was bonkers and I protested like a petulant child being dragged to the shops with their mother.
But you know what? It was the best thing ever. I got to catch up with one of my tenants that I’d been trying to reach earlier in the day. I also met up with another tenant that I needed to see to collect some paperwork and had scheduled a visit for later in the week, thus freeing up my time later this week. I also got to meet the resident woodpecker who was proudly tapping away in the tree in the garden and whilst waiting for my lovely friend to finish what she had to do I got to sit on the bench in the communal garden, with the sun on my face and watch as the blue tits and robins flitted about the bushes and trees.
And so inner peace was restored
It wasn’t until I got home that I realised. All the troubles of late are leading me to something better. Although I cannot see it at this time that is what is happening. I must remember to embrace the struggle, find joy in the hardship and seek out the lesson even if it means entering the darkness and facing the monsters.
Maybe that is the lesson I am being shown. Maybe there is another. Maybe the soldiers were there to encourage me to take the first step forward into the darkness. Maybe I was being shown the power of the senses and super powers and how they can be good and bad when not kept in check.
I don’t know. Clearly my lesson is not over. Whatever, my journey is moving forward and I must follow the yellow brick road, like Dorothy, facing whatever challenges come my way. Greeting new friends, foes, fears and triumphs before I get to the Emerald City and all the marvelous wonders this infinite Universe has to offer.
Love and happiness